Friday, April 17, 2009

I still like to read


David Sedaris is not a great man. A petty, sometimes shallow, pathetic man. An out-and-out asshole, even. But without a doubt, my favorite asshole in the world.

This is just the type of cheeseball thing that Mr. Sedaris would dump on in one of his essays, but here it is – I love him because I feel very much akin to the man. I don’t, regrettably, share his enormous wit, but I do share almost every one of his snarky prejudices and his self-serving musings (a declaration that adds nothing to my credit, I know). The way he pretends to be knowledgeable about art as a teenager and is distressed when his parents become enthusiasts themselves…I get that. The way he purposefully self-eulogizes while imagining himself dead…I get that.

Probably not a good thing, to align myself with the most egotistic qualities of another, but then, we’ve all been there. If we’re honest with ourselves, I think we’d find that what’s so appealing about Sedaris’s writing is that he presents himself the way he actually thinks, the way he actually interacts with others. And ugly as it usually is, it’s the way we all think and act.

I know it came out a year ago, but I finally got around to reading Sedaris’s latest book, When You are Engulfed in Flames. I think my boyfriend wanted to chuck it right through the window after I shrieked for the 17th time: “God, David Sedaris just gets it!!! He gets everything!” He does, though. He really gets why certain things are funny, even when most of the world so easily forgets why. He makes me absolutely giddy.

This is on a wholly personal note, but I also enjoy reading about his relationship with Hugh. Strange that a male homosexual relationship should remind me of my own mate, but it does. It’s not fair to say, maybe, but there’s this cutesy grownup/child dynamic going on there with David, of course, as the huffy, sensitive adolescent-type and Hugh as the responsible mature adult who pays the utility bills on time. The way Sedaris becomes exasperated whenever sensible Hugh “rains on his parade” – it smacks of a scene in which my mate is hovered over the TV tray, his brow furrowed in deep concentration while I attempt luring him into a cuddling position.
“But why do we have to do our taxes now?”
“Because, Liz, if I don’t do your taxes now, you’ll never do them yourself.”
“So?”

The last quarter of the book, entitled The Smoking Section, follows Sedaris through his first bummed cigarette 3 decades ago all the way to his recent struggle with quitting the habit. When I saw that this struggle would take Sedaris to Japan, I smiled, knowing what good material this kooky (sorry, had to say it) country would supply for the humorist. And supply it did.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Viva la Spring

I've got to get myself back into the habit of writing everyday. It's funny - you know, I don't even always enjoy the actual process of writing. Really, I don't. It's hard and I slave over every freakin' word and it takes me over an hour to plod through a measly paragraph and then I backspace the shit out of it leaving myself with one word, if I'm lucky.

Mostly what I like is the finished product. It sounds indulgent and bigheaded of me, I know, but I get pleasure from reading some of my polished work. Oh, I wrote that, did I? How positively clever! How quaint! If that sounds dick-ish, well, I don't care.

I saw Monsters Vs. Aliens last week, and I liked it OK, but I think I mostly liked it because we saw it in Imax 3D, which was just top-notch.

I’m excited for warmer weather so I can bike like a maniac. I will just bike and bike and bike until forever. Until my lungs explode.

I also would like a tattoo. Soon, but not too soon.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Burn After Watching

They say good things come in twos, and I can’t think of a more fitting justification for this platitude than the varied body of work that is the Coen brothers’ film repertoire. Time and time again, the duo has tickled our funny bones while offering that something extra for the finicky tastes of moviegoers whose palates desire a little “oomph”.

That being said,

I hated Burn After Reading.

I mean, I really, really hated it. I hated it for much the same reasons that I hated the film Juno, though that hatred exists on an entirely different plane (don’t even get me started on Diablo Cody’s dialogue). The hype circling these two movies was such that I expected nothing less that 4-star treatment. Instead, what I got was a lot of confused plotlines and too many character names, the combination of which left me yawning to high heaven for 2 monotonous hours.

Generally, I dig quirky oddball movies, but this was just boring with a capital B. I kept waiting for it to get better. To at least match the hilarious previews with which I was bombarded all Fall. I'm lost - why did people think this movie was so great again?

The one thing I did enjoy was watching Brad Pitt rock it out as a dim-witted fitness trainer glued to his iPod. That one really got me. (always a sucker for Brad - how can you not be?)

Other than Brad though, well, this movie can go suck it.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Fiction/Poetry Update

Volume 2 Issue 3 of Sub-Lit is now live!!! You can still check out my story "Reincarnation" in their archives.

Also, these just in -

3 of my poems appear in the current issue of Clockwise Cat.

I have a short piece of fiction, "Nude," in the current issue of Mud Luscious. (scroll towards the bottom)

And lastly, my short story, "Performer's Lot" appears in the April issue of The Battered Suitcase.

Monday, March 30, 2009

wild thing, you make my heart sing

Before you do anything else, it's pretty important that you watch the following:



Spike Jonze, you do me right. And if any preview uses Arcade Fire, I will see that film by default. Even if it's, I dunno, another freakin' Disney Hannah Montanah abomination (they're that good).

Anyway, everyone will say how they just looooved this book as a kid. But my most recent memory of this story was getting really stoned and lying in bed while my sister read it to me -you know, teacher-style. When we came to the end of the book, I was silent for a while.

"But there's no moral."

"What do you mean, there's no moral?"

I mean, there's no fucking moral. The kid's bad. He's sent to his room and goes on this crazy adventure shit. And then he's back in his room with no dinner."

"Shit, Liz. Why does there have to be a fucking moral? It's just a story."

"You don't get it - certain books have morals. This is the kind of book that would have one. And it doesn't. I feel jipped. "

"You're a shithead."

Sunday, March 22, 2009

where in the world is carmen sandiego?

There’s no excuse for a 3 (almost 4!) month gap.

And it’s not just my riveting blog that’s been suffering from neglect. I’ve read a grand total of two books since December. I can’t even remember what the first one was. Unforgivable.

Here’s the thing -

Getting the itch to write is like embarking on a novel dieting routine – at first, it’s all gung ho, fire up the engines and plow straight ahead. I’m going to chuck those dimples on my ass once and for all, gosh dammit. Then the cravings kick in full-force. And with them, the carbo-loading at Dunkin Donuts (or Tim Horton’s for all you Upstate New Yorkers – holla).

And you let yourself sleep an extra half hour instead of free-writing.
And you look at the world lazily instead of keeping a sharp look-out for new leads.
And all earlier ambition that had been so fervent you nearly gave yourself carpal tunnel, that ambition has sizzled out like a dud on the Fourth of July.

But still. Other than making tomato Quiche and alphabetizing my modest library, writing is the only thing I’m quasi-good at. So, there’s really no acceptable excuse for shelving it. But – just for kicks – I’m going to try to come up with some.

For one thing, life post-college has been so preposterously dull, I haven’t the heart to let you in on it. I live with my mom, I have a shitty job, I babysit my nephews most days when I’m off. True, any half-decent writer can put an interesting spin on life’s most trivial crap. In fact, I often enjoy doing so. Just not lately. Maybe it’s my own disappointment with the monotony of my pathetic life. Maybe my brain is still adjusting to life without professors, Elizabeth Browning explications, and long night sessions with articles on modern theatre.


More likely, I’m just lazy.

Secondly, my long-distance lover has finally bridged the great divide and found his way to my hometown (and with him enters a whole slew of complications regarding our future. More details in another note, maybe). When I am not working at my shitty job or babysitting my nephews, I am spending time with him. Twirling his luscious curly-cues, making him sandwiches, reading him David Sedaris excerpts. All much more important (and satisfying?) than gathering worthwhile submissions or proofreading. Blame him! I’m weak in the presence of that gorgeous head of hair!

Thirdly, when I have an hour or two to spare, I’ve been channeling all literary efforts into reading for Sub-Lit (A subversive online literary journal that gave me my debut in the publishing world – check it!) Not an overwhelming task, to be sure, but I like to take my time with peoples’ submissions. Since I’d expect as much, myself.

So - the pot may not be boiling over in a brilliant gush of wit, but at least it’s starting to bubble. That’s half the reason this blog exists in the first place – to keep me on top of my game. I don’t know what the other half of the reason is, but the point is (do I ever have a point?) the POINT IS: the writing bug is back, and however schizo my writing may appear to you –

at least it’s appearing.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Don't judge me

Jess and I picked up season 1 of Lost yesterday.

We watched it from 6 pm until 3 in the fucking morning. 11 episodes back-to-back.
Then she woke up and finished the season.