Christ Almighty. If there's one thing I've learned from my 16-hour work day (with a two hour interval between jobs) it's this:

Jobs that don't involve customers are infinitely superior to those that do.

Last week I was all like, "P-shaw, I can totally be one of those sleepless types who fuel themselves with bottomless cups of espresso and 90-calorie granola bars, racing from job number 1 to job number 2. No sweat, baby."

At first, things seemed promising. Expectedly, I was on the groggy side, but that was a small price to pay for all the cash I'd soon be funneling into my bank account.

But one (then two, then three, then four) customers from the deepest layer of Hades supplied me with more than enough reason to say: Why the fuck bother with this?! Seriously, I'm thinking one non-customer job is plenty.

I know - bad customers are such a cliched complaint from anyone who has to deal with them. But holy hell. I used to really like people. Now I only "like" people with a sour taste of distrust so foul I automatically barricade my soul for protection. If I continue to allow customers to blugeon my sunny free-spirit to a bloody pulp I may never regain purity of consciousness again. I don't like this me. People who aren't even rude to me annoy me. Which doesn't even make sense, so the solution is to NOT work with customers anymore. Fine.

This library computer timer is making me feel edgy, so over and out.

say what

Most of my customers fall into 1 of 3 categories:

A. Customer arrives at box office window only to forget the title of their movie ("It's uh...uh...uh...that one...you know, the one with that girl...that girl with brown hair...you know what I'm talking about, right???")

B. Customer has no clue about anything in the universe. ("So, I'm in a movie theatre, yeah? Right then. So, what's playing now? What's that about? Did you see it? Who's in it? Who directed it? How much do tickets cost? What about 3D tickets? Do I buy the 3D glasses from you? What's Imax? What's the square root of pi? Why am I such a lousy person that makes everyone behind me wait 10 minutes while I decide what piece of Hollywood trash to waste 10 bucks on? I suck.")

Or -

C. (my favorite) Customer invents his/her own title.

From this past weekend: (See how many you can guess!)

Death of a Salesman (*for Death at a Funeral)

Backdoor Backup Plan (*for The Backup Plan) - sounds like a bad porno.

Kiss Ass (*for Kick Ass) - funnier, because it was ordered by a 100-year-old woman with dentures and a walking cane.

Diary of a Mad Wimpy Kid - conflating Diary of a Mad Black Woman & Diary of a Wimpy Kid

A wide variety of How to [Slay, Kill, Beat] Your Dragon/Dinosaur. Quite the reverse of how to TAME.

By the way, this was one of my favorite movies in a LONG time.

Toothless is so friggin' cute.